Thoughts when I was 15.5 years old.
I was browsing through my old online journals I created at the age of 13-15, and it’s so amazing how my life turned a total 360.
Here are some entries prior to my first attendance ever at Acts 29- a youth group I was involved in back in Brunei. Oh yeah, please do excuse my language. I spoke really different back then than I do now.
27th August 2006
”im going to the act’s friendship connection day thing next friday, and its my first time going to their youth! IM SOSCAREDMAN. i dont know anyone there except melissa!!!!1 im going to like, die :(
but im bringing matt with me. she said i can bah, so i bring lah. i might ask alicia also.
melissa has been asking me to go to their youth thing on Fridays ever since i dont know when, but i always refuse.”
1st September 2006
”today could be one of the nicest days in my life ever!
actually im still waiting for the day for me to get saved.. hahaha and that would be the bestest i think!
i seriously cannot describe to you the level of anticipation and excitement in the room. so much love man.
i am seriously happy that i went today :) and i cant believe i didnt go before! i mean, melissa had only been telling me to go for like, ten thousand times.
but it was really nice, the youth thing. even though i did not really understand what the pastor was really talking about when she was referring to the bible, i was still really interested and it moved me! i wanted to step up, but i didnt. maybe im just not ready yet :s
i finally met steph!!!!!!!! and TYNG AGAIN!! after a longassss time hahaha.
SO HAPPY!!!!!!!! AND STEPH GAVE ME A HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :):)))
i never get hugs anymore from my friends! so thats why im really happy that i got a hug hahaha.
i was crying! but i held it in because.. yeah.
maybe next time i wont hold it in anymore. melissa says its ok to cry.
im also very happy alicia went with me. matt was supposed to go, but he was being an ass and was sleeping the whole damn day. i was kind of pissed at first, but then i didnt really care anymore because thats how it is. im still kind of mad at him though, but whatever man, he missed something!! his loss for not coming today :D but theres always next time. i really hope he will come.
alicia was really surprised and everything haha she wasnt expecting any of this! I REALLY WANT TO GO TO THE HILLSONG CONFERENCE MAN but so expensif!!!!!! mataiiiiiiii. and i will be in the middle of my gcses man!!!11
but yeah man today made my so many days of boredom!! like TOTALLY dudezzzzzz. i made new friends :) well not really new friends but yeah! i really needed to meet ‘new people’ in my life at this time. i really needed this. and sophia was so friendly! MAN so friendly the people. i think i could die of all the friendliness. haha k wth? that didnt make sense. yeah, just a short update. ive been doing my homeworks straight after school, which is why i dnt go on that much anymore he he he hehehe so proud. and yeah RORA sry i didnt reply your text, but yeah i was at the youth group thing.”
17th September 2006
First altar call ever.. haha, it’s funny when I read about it now.
”felt the holy spirit on friday in acts!!!!!! ISNT THAT RAD?!!!!!!!!!! yes it is… yes it is :)
im v.v.v.v.v happy that i actually went up! haha i woudlnt have went to the altar if steph didnt ask angel to ask me to though. (haha so long the chain) but yeah i thought it was about exams and stuff only bah :\
mann it was so weird and scary and nice though cus the pastor was talking to God while she was touching my head and praying for me.
she said God is telling her that i’ve been hurt before, blahblahblah.. and that i have a heavy heart or a thick wall in front of my heart or something. and that i am a ‘dont mess with me’ person and i kinda laughed when she told me hahaha. MANNnn, God realy knows me!!”
29th September 2006
When I got challenged to make the decision to forgive one of my ex best friends.
Took that step to apologize to her.
”service was so great!! :D hehehehhhhh so happy.
okay, i finally did it! im so happy and proud of myself.
i messaged carrie :):)))))) so happy lah. i hope she replies though, she hasnt replied yet. but at least i know i took that step and stuff, so im okay now.
i got inspired and stuff by what pastor anthony said so yeah hehehehe. and i dont know, i didnt have any doubts, i just sent her a msg without thinking twice and i wasnt scared or nervous or anything. ok fine i was nervous but i wasnt scared or ashamed, or yeah.. you know. im just rly happy i took the step and did it without worrying about afterwards. shes too great of a friend to lose in my life, plus she had a big impact in my life anyways.
sooooooo um yah thats a MAJORRRRR update. hahaha well for me anyways.
andddddddd matt is talking to me again! well he called my name yesterday, and that was the first time of him saying a word to me ever since.. idknw, when we just started not talking?!?! we didnt talk today though, we hardly saw each other. but its ok i guess, hopefully everything will be all fine soon :)
im happy.
sooooo very happy.
however, i do have 7 homeworks/courseworks waiting for me!!! and i also have my theory exam on the 28th SO SCAREDDDDD
and i have piano and dance tmrw, dont know how the heck ill be able to participate in dance cos of my periyoddddddddd.
i might be going to YDM tmrw also. we’ll seeeeeeeeeee…”
1st October 2006
”man i had the greatest week ever!! well one of the greatest anyways :P
went to acts on friday which was RLY nice and um i got saved!!!!!!!!!!! :D YES RORA I GOT SAVED NYEKYEKEYKE
and i went to ydm yesterday which was quite an experience. hehehehe btw rora i sat nxt to.. ahemm hahahaha
and i went to agape church today! man it was sooo nice la even though i still feel left out sometimes since i cant pray in tongues and all. but its all goooooood.
man, in ydm though, i dont know why but i just raised my hand up.. u knw those things ppl do while praising God and stuff? i dont know what made me do it i just did it! but today in agape i was scared all over again… haha but its ok.
i just finished praying to God before i sleep, and yeah.. im rly rly happy!
i have such wonderful friendsssss like steph and angel and melissa who have been ever so helpful to meee and i just want to say thank you so much for everything man, really. even though steph is the only one who can read this hahaha.
well yeah me and melissa want to start this like, small session thing in school during lunch times.. maybe friday lunch time, just to praise and worship and pray and stuff la. and we also want to start like, a worship band or something, but yeah.. we need the scores and stuff. oh well. hopefully this will all fall through!
hmmmm what else ah? man i wish acts was everyday after school! hahaha. yeah im looking forward to acts noww but the weird thing is i feel scared and nervous a bit when im there :( cos yeah.. tongues thingie.
but its ok la.
boyahhhhhhhhhhh i got some of my homeworks done. i just have my english essay and history essay to do now!
and i have to study physics. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! for friday.
okay i had an awesome day :)”
And there you go.. a few entries before/after I met God, haha. I’m so happy He turned my life upside down, in a good way of course! I dare not post my really old entries, cause the language is just too.. explicit, haha. I’m so glad I recorded one of the most important events of my life down somewhere.. now I have dates and actual thoughts of mine at that time recorded.
God is definitely good. God of my youth.. I will never forget :)
